Trauma has a way of overcasting our lives. It can cause every good we accomplish to seem drowned out in its shadow and every bad thing to appear all the more sinister as evidence of everything wrong with us. Then we’re left questioning how people view us, including God. I believe that God sees me in every moment of my life. But the question of whether or not He is pleased with what He sees has haunted my worship and cast doubt on His love for me. In my safest, happiest moments, I have been seen, fully known in my darkness and light, and loved in the face of it all. When I am certain of how God sees me, it anchors me so I can grow, but when I'm unsure of how God sees me, I wonder if I am worthy of being seen at all.
One of the first steps to healing is settling this question and becoming assured of God’s love. Everyone in my life has not seen or acknowledged me in a loving way, but God has without exception. Hagar’s life teaches us this truth. Hagar was a slave of Abraham’s family. God promised Abraham a son, but his wife, Sarah, couldn’t give birth. Trying to make the promise happen on their own, Sarah gave him Hagar to impregnate. Every time I hear this story preached, it’s about Abraham doubting God’s promise or about Sarah’s maneuvering. Rarely is it about the harm caused when humanity tries to do naturally what is meant to happen supernaturally. Seldom is its focus on how people become enslaved and cruelly treated in the name of leaders trying to prove that God has chosen them. If we shifted from the traditional focus on Abraham to Hagar, we’d have no choice but to admit that she was abused. We’d have no choice but to fully see Hagar, knowing that historical setting, cultural context, and/or religious titles don’t get to rename abuse as anything other than what it is.
What made Hagar invisible to them often makes her invisible to us. She was just a means to an end for Abraham’s family and is often seen as merely a background character in a story to modern-day Christians. We, too, can feel invisible when people only focus on the roles we play, the services we give, and whether we please them or not. They can rename abuse as a service to meet their needs and absolve their conscience. They can see everything but our identity, emotions, and desires. And unfortunately, we start to believe that God feels the same way.
Stories like Hagar’s answered these questions for me about the nature of God. He sees the broken and the outcast. He blesses us and is concerned for our well-being as His sons and daughters. We serve a God that gazes intently upon what others would rather turn away from. Even when others toss us aside, God has a promise and a plan for our lives. He sees the best in us and is pleased to look upon us.
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